Its wonderful to have those moments - you know generally my life is filled with them, relationship or not. I love life, i love everything about it, i love waking early and cooking breakfast and rolling down hills and swinging at the park and sitting cuddled up watching tv, and laughing and tickling and just the essence of being :D
Kids seem to capture that and never lose it, i think adults tend to lose it because of stress and work and responsibility and bills and unhappiness that is forced upon us... and i think that the more we let these things affect 'living' the more we lose of it.

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yeah kids are a great way to force yourself into silliness

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I am glad you are happy.

I wish I could find that, its been so long since I could say that I was just happy. Nothing fancy just to know that I am happy and not just that fleeting "OMG I just got a present" happy, because I feel that lots, the "i am content" type happy.

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yeah-its weird but i guess it takes something to make you reflect.like you are probably happiest when you aren't thinking about it because it's when you're sad that you wonder "why am i unhappy". does that make any sense??

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I get what you mean, I don't notice the happy because when I am happy I am happy and not thinking about it. The problem is, lately I have been on the verge of feeling happy, and then I stop and think "why am I happy" and then I don't feel happy anymore..... it sucks.

I did they surveys at Beyond Blue, after hearing that a sign of depression is irrational anger, something that I feel quite a lot, and it suggested I should see my doctor because I could very well be depressed. I am a bit scared to go, because I don't really want to be put on medication, but what if that would make me happy and improve my life? The other worry is the doctor will think I am perfectly fine and just tell me to cheer up, and I HATE when people tell me how to feel, and then there is no reason why I am un-happy. Its just one big circle really, and that... in turn, makes me feel un-happy.

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there's nothing scary about being depressed OR being medicated. my ex went through a serious stage of depression and her twin was diagnosed as being clinically depressed so she was doubly scared of being put in the same category. i think it's best not to worry about what other people may think/stigmas etc because if one little pill is going to make you feel balanced and enjoy life more...where's the catch? and its not like everyone would know you were on antidepresseants or care. i think 40% of the population are on them.
if the doctore thinks you are fine and tells you to cheer up then they are a bad doctor. to me, if someone is feeling something, then that is in itself a FACT. it would be wrong of me to go "nah mate, cheer up-it's NOTHING."

there's a really good doc at the coast i took a mate of mine to see and he was so soothing etc to her.
also these things can be transitional, it's not a lifelong predicament

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I never used to feel like this, when I was a teenager I was generally happy. Ever since we moved from Perth to Victoria, I started to feel more and more un-happy. At first I thought it was just because I didn't have all my friends and that it would get better and it did a little.

Then I moved out, went to Melbourne and met my then future husband. Life was okay for a while then as well, athough I did spend a large amount of one year pretty drunk as uni students do.

Then we moved here, to Adelaide, and since then NOTHING has been able to completely jolt my un-happy mood off me. I got a dog, and dont get me wrong, I love her to bits, but she only made me 'happy' for a short time, same with my cat, things make me happy for a little while but over-all I am not happy. I need to change my life, yet I can barely find the motivation nor energy to get out and do things.

I think if the doctor did put me on medication, I proably just wouldnt tell people, I mean I know lots of ppl are on anti-depressants and no-one seems to care, but for some reason what ppl think bothers me, I know it shouldn't because basically I just ignore what most ppl say about me...

I think the worst thing right now is Scott wants us to start having kids soon. I wanted to, about 2 years ago, but I was on the needle and its only just worn off, almost 2 years later. Now I don't want to, I have never had maternal urges and anyway, if I am not happy in myself I don't think I should have kids right now. I know everyone is all "oh they are the greatest thing ever, and you always feel scared at first and then they come and everything is fantastic" but with my irrational spurts of anger and general apathy I don't think that I am in the right type of mental state to have kids. Scott of course just thinks I am having the normal worries before you start to have kids, no matter how I try to explain to him that I don't want to right now. Not that it really matters, my body is still so messed up from the hormones that it would be a miracle of I got pregnant.. that and the lack of sex.... not sure how he thinks we will have kids if he always uses the bed for sleeping....

sorry, went on a bit there. But maybe I just need a shove to go and see the doctor and sees what he says, I guess the worst he can do is tell me that I am crazy and need to see a shrink ;)

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I never used to feel like this, when I was a teenager I was generally happy. Ever since we moved from Perth to Victoria, I started to feel more and more un-happy. At first I thought it was just because I didn't have all my friends and that it would get better and it did a little.

Then I moved out, went to Melbourne and met my then future husband. Life was okay for a while then as well, athough I did spend a large amount of one year pretty drunk as uni students do.

Then we moved here, to Adelaide, and since then NOTHING has been able to completely jolt my un-happy mood off me. I got a dog, and dont get me wrong, I love her to bits, but she only made me 'happy' for a short time, same with my cat, things make me happy for a little while but over-all I am not happy. I need to change my life, yet I can barely find the motivation nor energy to get out and do things.
**have you tried to write a list of what makes you unhappy-like what factors need to be corrected? Because this is a good way to break through the dark cloud.i think so anyway.things look bigger until you start to break them down and make action plans. That’s how I deal with things anyway-very matter of factly.

I think if the doctor did put me on medication, I proably just wouldnt tell people, I mean I know lots of ppl are on anti-depressants and no-one seems to care, but for some reason what ppl think bothers me, I know it shouldn't because basically I just ignore what most ppl say about me...
**yeah, well people on the pill don’t go around parading it so there’s no need to tell anyone if you don’t want to


I think the worst thing right now is Scott wants us to start having kids soon. I wanted to, about 2 years ago, but I was on the needle and its only just worn off, almost 2 years later. Now I don't want to, I have never had maternal urges and anyway, if I am not happy in myself I don't think I should have kids right now. I know everyone is all "oh they are the greatest thing ever, and you always feel scared at first and then they come and everything is fantastic" but with my irrational spurts of anger and general apathy I don't think that I am in the right type of mental state to have kids. Scott of course just thinks I am having the normal worries before you start to have kids, no matter how I try to explain to him that I don't want to right now. Not that it really matters, my body is still so messed up from the hormones that it would be a miracle of I got pregnant.. that and the lack of sex.... not sure how he thinks we will have kids if he always uses the bed for sleeping....
*yeah, it sounds like you know whats best.easy for him to want kids-he doesn’t really have to do much.

sorry, went on a bit there. But maybe I just need a shove to go and see the doctor and sees what he says, I guess the worst he can do is tell me that I am crazy and need to see a shrink ;)
*go on allll you like.if he tells you you’re crazy that’d be a great excuse to do crazy things!

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I think I will just do crazy things anyway...... just as long as they don't cost money.

I don't think Scott realises just how much having a kid will fuck up my body and hormones. They are screwed now, I can't imagine how much more crazy they could be.

I don't know what is making me un-happy, everytime I try to pin it down I come up with nothing, or things that I know that I am too lazy to do, or un motivated. I would like to loose weight, I don't know if it would make me happy BUT eveyrtime I have tired I never seem to do it. I am un-inspired to exercise, probably because I hate to walk alone, even with the dog and Scott wont come with me. Also I think one of the big things about that is, he doesn't mind me being fat, he is actually turned on by it, so that in itself is a turn off for me, if I got skinier (because I will never be super, or regualr model thin, nor do want to be) there is always that vauge feeling that he won't find me sexy anymore, athough he says he will. Damm that man is stubborn sometimes.

Anyway, I could go on and on forever.... that is what my LJ is for, I really should write all this crap down, because I always feel a little better when I do.

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I don't think Scott realises just how much having a kid will fuck up my body and hormones.
**does scott know how upset you are-like, do you bring it up only when you’re frustrated at something? Cause maybe you need to sit down and make it the focus of a conversation. I think talking and communicating is so important- as is giving a realistic and accurate description of how you are feeling.no point in downplaying it if you are really upset.
Also, although the sadness may be fleeting if you’re feeling “generally unhappy” then that’s enough to warrant action. Maybe it’s just the “fixer” in me.i always want to make things better/improve things-especially how I’m feeling

They are screwed now, I can't imagine how much more crazy they could be.
*I’ve heard they go crazy when you’re pregnant and having really sexy/horny dreams….i want sexy horny dreams!

I don't know what is making me un-happy, everytime I try to pin it down I come up with nothing, or things that I know that I am too lazy to do, or un motivated.
*maybe if you don’t try to find “definites” and focus on what could be making you sad and then address them. If it is work – maybe look into a tafe course/or personal course or keep an eye out for other positions. If it’s the house bing messy – maybe start a routine or get scott to help more

I would like to loose weight, I don't know if it would make me happy BUT eveyrtime I have tired I never seem to do it. I am un-inspired to exercise, probably because I hate to walk alone, even with the dog and Scott wont come with me.
*maybe yoga or pilates dvd? Treadmill? Bicycle ?

Also I think one of the big things about that is, he doesn't mind me being fat, he is actually turned on by it, so that in itself is a turn off for me, if I got skinier (because I will never be super, or regualr model thin, nor do want to be) there is always that vauge feeling that he won't find me sexy anymore, athough he says he will. Damm that man is stubborn sometimes.
*sure he’ll find you sexy – but do YOU find yourself sexy? That’s whats important


Anyway, I could go on and on forever.... that is what my LJ is for, I really should write all this crap down, because I always feel a little better when I do
*yeah lj is great for venting!

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